Nerves and Butterflies

We feel these things often. Some of us more than others. You know, when you are about to do something new or scary or brave or unauthorized and then the outrageous nerves or butterflies in your tummy start to come. I always feel mine right at the top of my chest threatening to cut off my breath. The temptation is to run and find another way but in your deepest of deepest places you know this is the way. 

I've heard it taught, and I'm starting to believe that these things are a sign you're onto something. Sometimes you don't exactly know the next step or what the next minute will look like but you do know that if you don't take advantage of this very second you have, then you will have missed it. 

And here's the thing: I do not want to live life striving for comfort. I want to live a life alive, a brave life willing to do whatever it takes for something you love and something you believe in. I want to act in love but I want to be brave.

I refuse to spend the time I have attempting to read how my actions will be received before I ever even do them. I refuse to nurture those kinds of relationships. I want to be totally loved for all of who I am, so I have to be willing to show all of this person, to be willing to take those actions even if I'm trembling the whole time and I don't sound a tiny bit courageous. I want to do the thing. 

I want a heart of peace, not a contented mind. I want to live in a place of integrity, not a place of congeniality. I want to be kind but not afraid. Loving but truthful. I want to have freedom, and I want to soar (even if my soaring doesn't look as beautiful outwardly as it did in my head.)  I want to be proud of who I am, not looking to see who's proud of me. I want to step out and say this is my truth even if I'm the only one standing.

Because we all know there's fake light and real light. And you can tell the difference. So when the real sunshine-y light sheds its beautiful glow on the real truth; it cannot be denied.  

So here I go. I'm doing my brave thing. Each minute of every day I promise to keep being a truth teller, even if you don't get it. And I refuse to shut down anyone else's truths, even if I don't get it.

x Keely